Hammer Time! - A blog by Becca AND Dave

Dave and I were laying in bed on a lazy Sunday morning this weekend and I started to giggle uncontrollably. For some reason, the vision of a 6th grade me wearing hammer pants could not leave my mind.
For those of you who grew up in the 80's/early 90's, you will remember MC Hammer and his ridiculously baggy crotched "hammer pants." When I was 11 or 12, my awesome Aunt Mary got the pattern for hammer pants and she sewed a pair of them, along with matching vests, for both my Cousin Kristin and I. I remember hammer pants being the really cool thing to wear for a while, although by the time she had finished the outfits, they were at the tail end of being "popular" anymore. I remember being the last one to still wear my hammer pants and feeling mortified toward the end that I was still wearing hammer pants.
So I told Dave the story about hammer pants and we quickly decided that hammer pants should be resurrected for pregnant women. I mean, doesn't it make sense? Hammer pants would totally fit a pregnant woman, especially in her 3rd trimester! This fantasy then morphed into doing the MC Hammer dance - the "You Can't Touch This!" dance. It seems like a good way to induce labor. For those of you who don't remember the dance, it's almost like you are a 2 legged crab scuttling from one side of the room to the other really quickly. Seems like it would help with gravity, as well as get the baby in the mood to come out and visit because the song is just that cool.
I think that baby hammer pants also make sense. Diapers can be so huge and bulky, so if, as a baby, you are wearing hammer pants, nobody is going to notice the diaper - they will only notice how stylishly cool your hammer pants are.
So with all that said, please, bring back hammer pants. If you aren't with me, you're against me.
Dave's Hammer Pants Input:
In addition to being a fine fashion statement and excellent maternity wear, the hammer pants are the quintessential outfit for our new birthing style. You may have heard of Lamaze, you may have heard of the Bradley method, but now it's HAMMER TIME! During the several birthing classes we have taken, it has been mentioned that changing positions often helps in the labor process. It is my belief that if Becca is willing to do the hammer dance, scuttling crablike from side to side in the delivery suite, while I yell out things like "break it down, oh oh oh woah, oh oh oh, woah - BABY TIME!," that we can enjoy a successful and relatively pain-free natural childbirth. It's not set in stone, but we may change the lyrics somewhat. Here are the original "You Can't Touch This" lyrics (first few verses), keep reading below to see our slightly altered lyrics, which will make it more condusive to labor and delivery.
Can't touch this (x2)
Can't touch this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh) (x2)

My-my-my-my music hits me so hard makes me say oh my Lord
Thank you for blessing me with a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet
It feels good when you know you're down
A superdope homeboy from the Oaktown
And I'm known as such
And this is a beat uh u can't touch

I told you homeboy u can't touch this
Yeah that's how we're livin' and you know u can't touch this
Look in my eyes man u can't touch this
You know let me bust the funky lyrics u can't touch this

Fresh new kicks and pants
You got it like that now you know you wanna dance
So move out of your seat
And get a fly girl and catch this beat
While it's rollin' hold on pump a little bit
And let me know it's going on like that like that
Cold on a mission so pull on back
Let 'em know that you're too much
And this is a beat uh u can't touch

Yo I told you u can't touch this
Why you standing there man u can't touch this
Yo sound the bells school is in sucker u can't touch this
STOP! Hammer time!

OUR LYRICS (changes in bold)
Can't touch this (x2)
Can't touch this (oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh) (x2)

My-my-my-my labor hits me so hard makes me say oh my Lord
Thank you for blessing me with a Schumpert fine and no webbed feet
It feels good in your hospital gown
A superdope fetus from the Salty town
And I'm known as such
And this is a birth uh u can't touch

I told you OB u can't touch this
Yeah that's how we're deliverin' and you know u can't touch this
Look in my eyes man u can't touch this
You know let me bust the funky placenta u can't touch this

Fresh new kicks and pants
You got it like that now you know you wanna dance
So move out of your squattin' position
And get a head nurse to grab the physician
While it's rollin' hold on check for dilation
And let me know it's going on like that like that
Cold on a mission so push him on out
Get him out of the womb he loves so much
Cause this is a fundus uh u can't touch

Yo I told you this is a uterus you can't touch this
Why you staying in there man u can't touch this
Yo sound the bells delivery is in session u can't touch this
STOP! Delivery time!


Left: Third Trimester/Labor moves